Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • #74066
    Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Hi guys & Girls :)

    So we’ve had a topic about disability & sex, but my query is more to do with meeting people, dating and starting relationships.

    How do people go about this? What difficulties to we face?

    Personally, it took me a while to get my confidence back after being diagnosed 6 years ago. I was never really used to being alone or not having a partner (albeit being a teenager at the time). But in the last couple of years I have been on a few dates, some more successful than others. I always find it difficult to drop the bombshell to people and explain about my MD as I usually meet them under “normal” conditions so they’re not too aware of it. It’s at that point you find out if someone will carry on wanting to see you or call it a day.

    Look forward to hearing peoples thoughts :)

    Sag

    Sagar
    Participant
    Posts: 82
    Joined: 20/12/2010
    #82977
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    I know what you mean, the dating game is tough enough without the complications of finding somewhere witha suitable lo and access etc etc.

    I think really, aproah it like you usually do, if you have ownership of a disability then it sort of looks like you’re not making an issue of it, that the person comes first not the disability. I met my beau in church after my 21st birthday night of over indulgence, it did not work out for reasons other than disability issues.

    As an aries I can be just a little stubborn and selfish … I know, hard to believe init :D … and after fighting tooth and nail to be independant and do the right thing of working, living independantly etc I had no time or inclination for sharing my world, so haven’t. Gotenough to deal with getting by a me without a man buggering it up :lol:

    I wonder if in this modern enlightened age whether the internet has made much difference, as often by the time peeps meet f2f they already know so much about each other.

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #82978
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    @sagar wrote:

    It’s at that point you find out if someone will carry on wanting to see you or call it a day.

    :twisted: I got my devils hat on ….. Sometimes there can be a tendancy for the datee to have formed an image, an expectation before the first f2f, and when the dater drops a bomb like I have 12 kids, a disability, i’m really from Mars, or some such the datee sudenly has their little day dream shattered.

    Just don’t do what a work colleague did … she met a guy for the first time after a while of messaging texts etc, getting vibes fuelled by gal chat. At the first date she snuck off to text a bud that he was boring and accidentally sent it to him as well, :lol:

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #82980
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Hi – this is how I found it. It is a tricky one and I guess all depends on your own confidence and outlook.

    I never went out with anyone and didn’t have any friends – so not a hope of getting into any relationship until I went to Uni. Even then, I made friends but that was it – I would have dated but just wasn’t interested in anyone! I wasn’t into clubs and didn’t drink so never met anyone that way. I worked alone, in my own business so no chance of a work related romance! It just wasn’t happening for whatever reason! In 2000 I was getting more and more upset that my aspiration of love and marriage were somewhat fading. One day I ended up in tears and said a prayer that I might find someone. Then within a few days I saw an advert for an internet dating agency. I sent a hello e-mail in response to someone who was interested in my profile, then in e-mail 2 I said I was a wheelchair user etc and that I had MD. He still wrote and to cut a long story short we are married and been together since then! Basically only ever been on that 1 ‘date’ and bingo lol. My prayer was answered first time!

    We wrote for about a year before meeting up for a meal (with my PA posted just outside the place in case I needed something!!). It was really scary as I had to choose something I could eat without help and all those ‘what on earth is he going to make of me’ things! Thankfully we had pizza so I could use fingers! Didn’t want to scare him with a weird date who couldn’t hold a knife and fork lol. He soon got a crash course in disability issues / awareness :-) and was ok with it really. I decided to be totally clear from day 1 about what MD was and would be in the future in case it was too much to take in. Love won .

    criptic
    Participant
    Posts: 307
    Joined: 15/03/2011
    #82981
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    @criptic wrote:

    I decided to be totally clear from day 1 about what MD was and would be in the future in case it was too much to take in. Love won .

    That is a key point, upfront and cear from day one.

    Crip you’re story had the “Our Tune” music and dear old Simon Bates voice as I read it … touching …

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #82979
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    hi …just to say i was in a marriage for 16 years .i got diagnosed 10 years ago …i separated from my husband 3 years ago and shortly after met my now new husband . We met on facebokk chatting to start of with and i was totally honest with him from day dot so he wasnt shocked when i met him . I honestly think its the best way to be , he asked lots of questions on our first meeting and he came to all my meetings with my consultants …my md has deteriorated since i have been with him but we get through any difficulty together …he is my primary carer now (his choice) and we couldnt be happier :D

    rachelmurphy
    Participant
    Posts: 65
    Joined: 02/02/2011
    #82982
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    It’s pretty awesome reading all the stories with happy endings :)

    Sagar
    Participant
    Posts: 82
    Joined: 20/12/2010
    #82983
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Thank God for computers and on-line socialising hey! Funny how things change with tech – I think it helps people get together especially if physically going out is difficult for whatever reason! :D I’ve known loads of disabled people in particular who have found someone though on-line stuff.

    criptic
    Participant
    Posts: 307
    Joined: 15/03/2011
    #82984
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Had a date on Wednesday afternoon, thought it went quite well, that was until i got a “no thanks” email today. :roll:

    I kind of suspected that when my wife asked me to leave three years ago, that i wouldn’t be able to have another relationship. Women don’t want to know about MD, they are on dating sites for many reasons, to get involved with anyone “not right” isn’t one of them.

    That is five out of five failures this year, reckon i will leave the dating sites for the rest of this year at least, they aren’t cheap after all!

    I wonder if chemical castration is available on the NHS? ;)

    ranald
    Participant
    Posts: 747
    Joined: 05/09/2010
    #82987
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Poor Ranald has has a bad year and it is a bit horrible at the moment.

    Of any of us surely he is the one who can cope with it all. We give
    him our support and praise his courage in sharing with us.

    He is due some really good luck.

    "Even if you are not paranoid, it does not mean they are not out to get you!".

    taungfox
    Participant
    Posts: 4,630
    Joined: 27/09/2010
    #82985
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    @taungfox wrote:

    Poor Ranald has has a bad year and it is a bit horrible at the moment.

    Of any of us surely he is the one who can cope with it all. We give
    him our support and praise his courage in sharing with us.

    He is due some really good luck.

    Ditto what Fox said

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #82986
    Re: Dare I Ask…..Dating? Relationships?

    Thanks guys, i honestly didn’t post for sympathy! I sometimes just like to be able to tell someone. Anyway, i have lined up another victim for next Saturday afternoon. ;)

    ranald
    Participant
    Posts: 747
    Joined: 05/09/2010
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