Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • #73736
    MD and having children

    I don’t know why I feel I should have to justify anything to anyone.. and I shouldn’t.

    I’m the first one to advocate that people who have disabilities should have the same rights and privileges as able bods.. and I’ll fight for my partner until the cows come home. But I, like everyone else, have my cross to bear when it comes to family and friends who think I’m an idiot for being in a relationship with someone with such a severe disability. But the fact is I love him for who he is, and not what he is.

    He is a beautiful man who I want to have a family with, as difficult as it might be, and I can’t get other people to see that he has just as much right to be happy as everyone else does.

    I also don’t want people to tell me that I am selfish for having children with a husband who has a disability (despite doing all we can to ensure our children don’t have to go through what he does). If I didn’t think I could cope, I wouldn’t do it. But I know I’ll be judged.

    I believe that as long as a child has two loving and caring parents, and a stable home, then why should it matter that one parent is in a wheelchair???

    Sorry, got a lot going on in my head. I would love to know other peoples’ experience, either from the point of view of being a mother, or a father, who has a disability.

    AngelicPrincess
    Participant
    Posts: 85
    Joined: 21/12/2010
    #80634
    Re: MD and having children

    @angelicprincess wrote:

    …I would love to know other peoples’ experience, either from the point of view of being a mother, or a father, who has a disability.

    Well my disability certainly doesn’t seem to have had an effect on my fertility, as we never had any problems with the getting-pregnant bit!

    I’m now the very proud father of three fantastic girls.

    It’s really important to look at all the positive things. Ok, it might not always be possible to be as active with the kids when they’re young as you might want to be, but there are still many things you can do, and many ways to enjoy being a parent. In their early days I didn’t use a wheelchair. In fact, if anything, having the kids kept me mobile for rather longer than I might otherwise have been. Pushing a buggy turned out to be a good way of keeping me walking when out and about, without having to use a stick. It was actually quite a surprise to me when they outgrew the buggy to find that my outdoors walking was getting shaky.

    And nowadays the girls are some of the best wheelchair pushers around.

    We were assured at an early stage that it was more or less impossible that my disability would be passed on to any of our children. Well, one of our three does appear to have a very similar condition, though we don’t have a definite diagnosis. But she is bright and brilliant like her sisters. I don’t think accurate medical advice about passing on the condition would have changed our minds about anything.

    So go for it. Enjoy it. It’ll be the best thing you have ever done, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    petered
    Participant
    Posts: 564
    Joined: 24/01/2011
    #80635
    Re: MD and having children

    hi
    i feel like i am in the same situation,
    i have only just found out that my partner has MD and being a young couple with our first house together we had made plans and when we found out that my partner had MD my family became very worried about all of these things we have since been to see a genetic specalist and i am having a test to see if i am a carrier but it is soo much to think of if i would be doing the right thing or am i being selfish for still wanting children??? my partner only has a mild form but is getting worse he doesnt need a wheelchair or any extra help yet so in one way it makes it hard to believe he has it,
    i do know that our children would only be carriers of the MD but i still have this thing in my head that says if it was possible for both my partners parents managed to meet and were both carriers for my partner to have MD then it is then possible for our children to meet someone that is also a carrier and then i would then feel responsible for my grand children illness,
    hope im making some sence as its allways a bit clearer in your head LOL
    goggles18

    goggles18
    Participant
    Posts: 8
    Joined: 25/04/2011
    #80636
    Re: MD and having children

    People who feel it is their right to criticise how you [and your partner] have decided to live your own/shared lives and seeing you as the disability and not as people, should shut up and take a long walk of a short pier.

    I know it is pedantic and not all that important but I believe there is a big difference between being a “Disabled person” and a “Person with a disability” … I am me first and foremost.

    If people think you are wrong to have children because of a disability risk, then best there be no procreation at all as who knows who will need support from the tax payer either by spells ‘at her Majesty’s pleasure’, through joblessness, through teen pregnancy or single parenthood, or through illness, accident or genetics, through old age poverty – they cannot choose where a line in drawn.

    Oww I am all riled up now grrrrrr

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #80637
    Re: MD and having children

    Owww this has right bovvered me .. think I would tell them “Statistically speaking you are more likely to be maimed, paralysed, disabled on your drive/walk home than our child is to ….” hmph

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #80638
    Re: MD and having children

    Oww I am all riled up now grrrrrr

    AMG—you better calm yourself down before you do yourself an mischeif.

    totally agree, what it really boils down to is a total lack of respect and acceptance of disable people,, people being the key word.. we are not a another species.

    and well, as the big blue lotto hand says “it could be you” they could have a child with a condition. it really kills me that people feel its a right to comment. i would never dream of passing comment on them having kid even thou the poor kid stands to inherit a selfish, rude, bigeted, narrow minded view of the world.

    """""""What doesn't kill you makes you stronger""""""

    Cat Cat
    Moderator
    Posts: 1,002
    Joined: 20/09/2010
    #80639
    Re: MD and having children

    @catatude wrote:

    … i would never dream of passing comment on them having kid even thou the poor kid stands to inherit a selfish, rude, bigeted, narrow minded view of the world.

    Well I’ve long thought that people who read the Daily Mail really should be prevented from having kids. For the good of the world… :twisted:

    Go for it. Don’t worry about what other people think. It’s your life. And if you do have children they will be beautiful and wonderful people.

    petered
    Participant
    Posts: 564
    Joined: 24/01/2011
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