Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • #74312
    muscular dystrophy and singleness

    It is stating the obvious that it is much harder to find a companion of the opposite sex when you have diseases like this. Especially when there are no support groups in your area. How does this work? How does one with muscular dystrophy even hope to meet someone? this has been bugging me a long time. i have a lot to offer a woman, yet it doesnt seem to matter. ive been in relationships, and they all ended badly. it feels hopeless. i know some people aren’t worried about this, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart for a while. i dont have any direction to go with this, and i wish i did. not being co-dependent, but i have a strong desire for marriage, disabled woman or not. has the world really become this shallow?

    masonikraft
    Participant
    Posts: 1
    Joined: 18/03/2012
    #84873
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    im sorry to sound harsh but please !! if you have that attitude you will never find anyone ….i divorced my first husband 4 years ago and was on crutches . I met my now husband 3 years ago …ok i met him online , we spoke for a good couple of weeks before we met and i told him everything about my md before we did actually smack eyes on each other so he wasnt shocked . I have deteriorated alot in that time and is now a full time wheelchair user . My arms and legs are weak but the strongest muscle in your body is your mind …if you dont have a positive outlook and i dont want to upset or insult you but feel sorry for yourself you will never find that happiness you are looking for …there are people out there with no arms and legs and go on to be happily married and have families

    sorry to be abrupt

    rach x

    rachelmurphy
    Participant
    Posts: 65
    Joined: 02/02/2011
    #84874
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    I have a direction you can go with this, it costs nothing but time and effort so you have nothing to lose :

    1. Your lack of confidence is more detrimental to finding somebody than your disability. Stop using it as an excuse, for some people that would make you more attractive: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_to_disability

    2. Online dating, sounds weird and scary but its you best chance of meeting enough people until you find one for you. Just be open and honest about your condition and don’t sound too needy : http://www.okcupid.com/home

    3. Keeping them will be easier if you read this book thoroughly : http://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0285637223

    : )

    Chagrin
    Participant
    Posts: 130
    Joined: 04/03/2011
    #84875
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    @masonikraft wrote:

    It is stating the obvious that it is much harder to find a companion of the opposite sex when you have diseases like this. Especially when there are no support groups in your area. How does this work? How does one with muscular dystrophy even hope to meet someone? this has been bugging me a long time. i have a lot to offer a woman, yet it doesnt seem to matter. ive been in relationships, and they all ended badly. it feels hopeless. i know some people aren’t worried about this, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart for a while. i dont have any direction to go with this, and i wish i did. not being co-dependent, but i have a strong desire for marriage, disabled woman or not. has the world really become this shallow?

    I know where you are coming from mate. But people who are not disabled have the same problem these days. But saying that I too think this world has become very shallow, just look at the crap there is on the TV these days too. But as the old saying goes there is always someone out there lol.. (hmmmmmm dont think I got that saying right lol!)

    Im just 25 but I dont plan on getting married its just a piece of paper, and I dont really want kids, might be nice, but kids are too much work.

    You should look at the link Chagrin give, online dating is okay most people are okay on there these days, hmmm I mess it up alot though by forgetting to tell people about my BMD.

    Good luck dude, your not alone though….

    marcopolo991
    Participant
    Posts: 33
    Joined: 21/10/2010
    #84876
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    I too am divorced, i still have regular contact (every second weekend) with my kids, but i have failed utterly to attract a new partner through dating sites. One mention of BMD and they are off.

    It is all very well for those who have found new love to pontificate about negative attitudes, but their happines is their own, it’s certainly not everyone’s experience of online dating.

    ranald
    Participant
    Posts: 747
    Joined: 05/09/2010
    #84877
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    @ranald wrote:

    I too am divorced, i still have regular contact (every second weekend) with my kids, but i have failed utterly to attract a new partner through dating sites. One mention of BMD and they are off.

    It is all very well for those who have found new love to pontificate about negative attitudes, but their happines is their own, it’s certainly not everyone’s experience of online dating.

    Well I can just say I remember meeting one person last summer who was okay with till they saw my shower room, they said they felt sorry as I had a sit in the shower, the day after that was that I never saw them again lol!

    marcopolo991
    Participant
    Posts: 33
    Joined: 21/10/2010
    #84878
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    We are all going to have different experiences of relationships and dating. It can be difficult to see a way forward sometimes but discussing it is a good way to start. No opinion is any more or less valid – that is the brilliant thing about this forum I think.

    As well as the links Chagrin suggested, I came across Disability Horizons recently which had a section on relationships and there should be a link to a Webinar that discusses disability and relationships – it is worth checking out. I will add a link when I am not posting on my iPhone.

    A learning experience is one of those things that say, “You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.” - Douglas Adams

    sar78 sar78
    Moderator
    Posts: 2,246
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #84879
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    I would love to agree here with Rachel and Sar.. Rachel is very much right in that it is about attitude. If you are confident enough, your disability will have nothing to do with anything, and Sar is right in that everyone has different experiences.

    My experience is that I am an able bodied female, I was dating a guy my last year of high school who I met on the Internet. He was nice enough to begin with, my first real boyfriend, but he had a nasty side, and was also really selfish. He broke up with me, leaving me stranded in the middle of the city not knowing how to get home.. Now this gets confusing so let’s call my current boyfriend mr nice and my ex boyfriend mr nasty. Mr nice and mr nasty went to a course together so I had met mr nice through mr nasty, and had seen him a few times. When I turned 18, I was dating mr nasty. I went out for lunch with some school friends, their boyfriends, mr nasty and mr nice. This was only the second time I had ever met mr nice. Mr nasty didn’t pay for my lunch, and bought me a cd for my birthday, not even wrapped. Mr nice had bought me perfume and paid for my lunch.

    When mr nasty broke up with me, he was nasty about it. He went to class and said not very nice things about me. A couple of weeks later I had a phone call from mr nice, he offered a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear. We went out to coffee a few times, then just before valentines day we decided to make our relationship official. A dozen long stemmed red roses for valentines day, dinner, he took me shopping to buy clothes for interviews for jobs as I had just left school.

    Now, I never even noticed his disability. He exuded confidence, respects women, respects his parents, loves helping people, and loves to offer advice to people. Sure, he can’t drive, he can’t take out the rubbish, he can’t shower himself, he can’t cook, he can’t put himself to bed, he can’t dress himself, but guess what.. I fell I love with him as a person, his personality, his love and so on. His disability is just something I have learned to deal with.

    10 years on, his condition has certainly deteriorated. But I still love him, and he still loves me.

    Good luck with it all.. Yes, it may take a while to find the right girl, but she’s out there!!

    AngelicPrincess
    Participant
    Posts: 85
    Joined: 21/12/2010
    #84880
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    For every positive story there will be many negative. Those who have found love under these circumstances will naturally claim it is all down to attitude etc. Tyr telling that to a guy whose wife told him to get out and she didn’t love him any more. Losing the wife is one thing, being virtually shut out of the kid’s lives is a whole different ball-game.

    If a person has absolutely no social life and few or no friends, how on earth are they going to meet a new partner? What would their chat-up line be in the post office or Poundland, “hiya hun, fancy coming home to see my coloured crutch collection?”

    ranald
    Participant
    Posts: 747
    Joined: 05/09/2010
    #84881
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    @ranald wrote:

    If a person has absolutely no social life and few or no friends, how on earth are they going to meet a new partner? What would their chat-up line be in the post office or Poundland, “hiya hun, fancy coming home to see my coloured crutch collection?”

    :lol: to paraphrase ~ get your crutch you’ve pulled … :lol:

    Yes, the hardest element ever is being in the right place at the right time to meet Mr/Mrs Forever [or even Mr/Mrs AlrightForNow]. Dating is more cut throat and exhausting than job hunting/benefit securing.

    To those who have suceeded, I salute you.
    To those actively seeking, I applaud you.
    To those not bothering, I join you.

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #84882
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    @ ranauld ..my first marriage my husband put me down and made me feel completly useless , told me that no one else would love me and i totally had no confidence at all . It wasnt until my dad died when i was 30 that i turned my life around completely …. I went to weight watchers (my husband laughed at me and said that i could never lose weight ) , 6 months after i had dropped 5 dress sizes ( 10 yrs on have managed to maintain this ), i learn to drive (my husband said no point as i am the most unobservant person in the world and i would be awful driver ) i passed 1st time … i did voluntary work (which he told me was pointless as no one would ever employ me as being disabled ) …i did that for 6 months , went for my first interview in years and got it , as a receptionist for the NHS in southampton…. my confidence went through the roof as i made myself go out there , make new friends , have a great social life , divorce my husband , meet my new one …. anyone can achieve anything that they want …but they have to really want it

    rachelmurphy
    Participant
    Posts: 65
    Joined: 02/02/2011
    #84883
    Re: muscular dystrophy and singleness

    and also i would like to say that i also had no social life as totally controlled by my ex …no friends . If i can , anyone can ! Trust me , my daughter lived with her dad when we split as i had no choice but to leave her with him …he controlled her too but she is 18 now and coming to live with me in a couple of weeks time as she can see what her dad did to both of us …it will be the same for you too

    rachelmurphy
    Participant
    Posts: 65
    Joined: 02/02/2011
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