The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

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  • #74458
    The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Sorry guys I decided to start a new topic because we seem to have hit a new chapter..

    I think I am officially engaged.

    This has been a harrowing and torturous day for me.. good, then bad, then good, then bad.. different doctors say different things.. then it all definitely turned to mud.

    Basically we have now been told that my.. fiance.. is going downhill, fast. His condition is not improving, in fact it is getting worse. The infection is still sticking around despite all the antibiotics, and we are now told that he needs to make a decision – the two choices? We do nothing, and he may have a few days, or we intubate, they will probably not be able to take out the tube and will have to put a tracheostomy in. His lungs are just too weak. And this may only give him another few months, or few years, and we would have to put him into a nursing home to look after him with the trache.

    So, knowing this, we had a family conference with the nurse team leader, the nurse on duty, the social worker and the doctor, to decide what action to take. We all agree that a trache will give him no quality of life, particularly if he is confined to a nursing home.. we were all in tears knowing that if he left us it would leave a gaping hole. So among our grief at being told the two options, we know it is ultimately his decision, and only he can make it.

    So I then mentioned to his family, and to my mum, that my only wish was to be married to him before whatever happens happens, they all agreed that it was his and my decision and that I should be allowed to put it to him, at the same time the doctor would talk to him about what decisions needed to be made.

    So his brother and I went in with the doctor and the social worker.. we put the options to him and told him to think about it.. but he seems ok with the idea of being on a trache and being in nursing care.. I think this will involve a lot of work, but his brother and I both said that whatever decision he makes, we will support him.

    The social worker then asked me if I wanted to ask my question in private, and I said that I was happy to ask in front of everyone.. and I told him that no matter what happened, he was a huge part of my life and that it wouldn’t change the man he is, that losing him would leave a huge hole in my heart, and that the one thing I wanted was to marry him, so “will you marry me?” and he said yes!

    The unfortunate thing is that it is hard to organise anything on a Sunday.. but I will give it my best shot. I want to get married while he still has his voice either way.. it’s a hard thing to come to terms with him potentially losing his ability to speak.. but as I said to my mum, I’ve been with him so long, I love him so much.. and I’m not the sort of person who can walk out on him and abandon him at this time.. I have always said I wanted to marry him and just because things aren’t turning out the way we planned does not mean that I should neglect him when he needs me and all I want to do is make him happy.

    Anyway, I’m exhausted. Thanks all for your ongoing support. I couldn’t have made these decisions without you, even if you are only photos and words on a screen :)

    AngelicPrincess
    Participant
    Posts: 85
    Joined: 21/12/2010
    #85929
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    You are both in my thoughts. What a mix of emotions you are going through. I don’t know a great deal about tracheotomy but I have met a number of guys with a trach that have a good quality of life. There are many viewpoints in this but the important thing is that your partner has chosen this option, he has people that support his decision and now things are focused on making it work.

    I am glad you have found support from our forum, I am touched by your openness and I hope that all goes well over the next few days, that the infection clears up.

    Congratulations too, I can tell how important this is to you both.

    A learning experience is one of those things that say, “You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.” - Douglas Adams

    sar78 sar78
    Moderator
    Posts: 2,246
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #85930
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Thanks so much for finding time to talk to us at such a time.

    Reading this I feel exhausted, emotional and then in someway a little uplifted.

    There is no altering the awful situation you are in, but at least it is being done in the right and
    correct way with all the important people all around. This will mean so much to him.

    Such difficult decsions to make but no one could argue with what you have decided.

    The fact that we can offer you our congratulations on such a day is special and will be
    even more special to your partner. Well done AP!

    "Even if you are not paranoid, it does not mean they are not out to get you!".

    taungfox
    Participant
    Posts: 4,630
    Joined: 27/09/2010
    #85931
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Through out this ordeal, one thing has shone out above all elsefromthe posts, your love for each other.

    So huge congrats and all the fun stuff with getting engaged. What a joyous moment, and such a strong endearing enforcement of your mutual love and respect for each other.

    I hope you can get the nups organised easily, that bureaucracy has a contingency for such occasions. Let us know [if you can amongst all the organising] when the event will take place and we will throw some cyber confetti your way.

    Our Princess has netted her Prince Charming :D :D

    I'm always the animal, my body's the cage

    I blog about nothingness www.amgroves.com

    AM
    Participant
    Posts: 4,751
    Joined: 05/03/2015
    #85932
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Congratulations on your engagement. That is fantastic news. It will be a magical day. Not a typical fairy story, but one packed with emotion, inspiration and above all Love. I hope and wish for you to both to be as happy as possible. Your situation is a difficult one. I am sure you and your fiancé will deal with it the best way you can. and most importantly together. I am a bit lost for words.

    Dovito28 Dovito28
    Participant
    Posts: 171
    Joined: 17/11/2011
    #85933
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    @amgmod wrote:

    Let us know [if you can amongst all the organising] when the event will take place and we will throw some cyber confetti your way.

    Our Princess has netted her Prince Charming :D :D

    Congratulation to both of you – WHOOOOOOP :-) I am so happy for you both – how exciting. Such a lot to get your head around in such short space of time – difficult decisions and happier arrangements.

    Hope the organising is going well and the trach tube helps things – I’ve often thought about that myself if I got ill – the one good thing is that you can kiss on the lips with a trach tube but not with a bipap mask stuck up your nose or all over your face!! I really miss not being able to kiss hubby when I’m on my vent (and vice versa) – take every moment you have – they are all special! Virtual confetti at the ready…..

    Love and hugs and prayers and smiles. xx Louise

    criptic
    Participant
    Posts: 307
    Joined: 15/03/2011
    #85934
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Sending many good thoughts in your direction.

    Stay strong, both of you.

    petered
    Participant
    Posts: 564
    Joined: 24/01/2011
    #85937
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Wow your post brought a tear to my eye. Lots of congratulations to you both. I hope you manage to get things sorted out quickly.

    It’s a difficult time for all of you but you are taking all the right steps. Hopefully the decision your fiance made will kinda give him a new lease of life. I hope it all works out for you.

    Take care. We are all behind you. Let us know how things go.
    Val

    Valerie
    Participant
    Posts: 166
    Joined: 15/09/2010
    #85935
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Hello Princess, your fiance is incredibly lucky to have the love of a lady such as you. Whatever the future holds, i wish you both joy.

    May your love be as deep as the snow in the glen,
    and your troubles as few as the teeth in a hen.

    Ranald

    ranald
    Participant
    Posts: 747
    Joined: 05/09/2010
    #85936
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Thinking of you both x

    Sagar
    Participant
    Posts: 82
    Joined: 20/12/2010
    #85938
    Re: The best.. and the worst.. night of my life…?

    Congratualtions ! I wish you all the best

    There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self

    I, Disabled Bloke
    Participant
    Posts: 540
    Joined: 29/10/2010
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